Wow - I am actually Pregnant!

So there was a lot missed between my last post and where we are today. Lots of disappointment, stress, failure and lots and lots of shots.

Today though, I am pregnant. IVF worked for us and we are cautiously expecting of first baby/babies (we find out 11/26!) in July 2011!

I know some ladies keep this on line journal of their pregnancies so I thought I would start one up so I could look back at it later.


How far along? 4 week 4 days
Weight gain/loss: 115 lbs, I have actually lost weight. I think so of the crazy fluid retention and bloat from all the meds is starting to go down.
Maternity clothes? Nope. I do unbutton my pants occasionally but that is more because they hurt all the bruises on my tummy.
Stretch marks? No
Sleep? Yes all the time. It is all I want to do.
Best moment this week? Hearing our beta number had more than doubled!
Food cravings: None really...I am always hungry but nothing really sounds good.
Gender: Unknown
Belly button in or out? In
Movement? No just lots of cramps
What I miss? I miss being able to drink water and juice. (Still on a restricted fluid intake.)
What I'm looking forward to: Our u/s in two weeks!
Milestones: Getting pregnant!

Month 10

I am less than a week away from the 10 month mark. I am still waiting for useless cycle #8 to end. My hope is starting to fade. I see the gals on TTGP passing me by - some that started months after me are already starting their 8th cycle. I don't know why that matters to me right now but for some reason it does. I very much sympathize more than ever for the ladies that have REALLY long cycles or have cycles all the time where they do not ovulate. TTC is hard enough but knowing you are not even getting a shot every month is heart breaking.

My doctor wants me to move on to clomid and I am ready. I just want to have a predictable ovulation time. It is all waiting on Steve being ready to get tested. Even though my bloodwork showed everything is ok with me - I still believe my wacky cycle length have been hurting us more than anything and if we can just nail some really awesome timing that maybe that is all we need. Maybe I am just being naive again. I pray every night that there is nothing wrong with him. I can handle something being wrong with me but please not with him.

I guess only time will tell. Still two more months until the one year mark, where he has promised to get tested if no success. I try to stay busy but with every day it weighs more and more on mind.

I am so thankful for support I have found from the ladies I have connected with on the bump. Knowing there are women who are going through the same trials or have been through so much more than I have, helps keep it all in perspective.

I can't believe it has been over four months since I created my first post. Somehow typing all this out has made me feel better.

It is past midnight. I am going to try to sleep and hope I wake up feeling more hopeful and appreciative of the blessings I have in my life.

A Virtual TTC Journal

Back in July 2009 when my husband and I decided it was time for us to begin trying to have a baby I was a naive. Naive is the only word that can describe how easy I thought it would be to have a baby. I thought fertility was hereditary and for anyone who knows my family, getting pregnant has never been an issue. My mother conceived me and my two sisters while on birth-control. However, knowing my mom as I now do as an adult, I realize it is virtually impossible that she was able to take a pill at the same time every day. She is notorious for not even remembering to pay the electricity bill on time each month! So for her to do something at the same time everyday: Impossible. Hence her three birth-control babies. Still knowing as I do now, all of the things that have to go right for the end result to be pregnancy, I am amazed at all the unplanned births.

Alas, I digress, back to my own naivety. Unlike my mother, I am a planner. I plan for a living. It is what I do. And not to pat my own back, but I am a pretty darn good planner. I think it stems back to having a mother who does not plan anything. Having a baby, not so easy to plan. You can take your temperature every day, pee on hundreds of sticks, examine each bathroom activity with an eye of a private detective and still have virtually no control over the outcome each month's said activities.

I think the bright eyes, bushy tailed stage has pasted and I am now entering the frustrated stage. I remember being in Hawaii back in August 2009 about a month or so after we had started trying to conceive, and my husband beginning a sentence with, "If you are pregnant by Christmas..." before he could even finish his statement, I cut him off when an astonished, "What do you mean if? Of course I will be pregnant by then!" I am sure the amount of indignation on my face was measurable.

What is today's date? January 18th, 2010. I keep waiting for the moment when he remembers this conversation and give me his famous, "I told you so" look.

I don't know if I will ever make this blog public, but for now it is for me to remember the all the emotions I have felt during the process and hopefully be able to look back upon the days of waiting and say to myself, "And what were you so worried about!"